I remember when I finally broke down and called my Father one day, spilling all of my feelings about how out of control my life was becoming. I asked for His help, support, and guidance and He was more than willing to help in any way he could. Looking back it was probably the answer to all of his prayers for me. He knew about the dangerous lifestyle I was leading, but figured I would grow out of it with time; I guess he figured this was just the time.
What my Dad had no clue about was the fact I had been awake for more than twenty-five days on methamphetamine and was just having ďone of those bad days.Ē I didnít really have any desire to quit using drugs; after all, they had been a part of my life since I was thirteen years old. It was just a case of bad circumstances. So my girlfriend and I had split up and I was feeling a little down. So what; it would pass and soon I would back to my normal self. I think I just needed someone to talk to that night I called Him. Nope. No way was I really going to quit. No way.
So when I attended my first treatment clinic I got stoned every single day. It was just what my parents wanted me to do after all I didnít have any desire to be there. The night I had called and told them of my addiction problems was just a fog, a bad dream. I didnít really know how I had arrived at this clinic, but as long as I could lie my way through it; I figured I would be back to my old routine before no time.
Three weeks later I remember trying to figure out how to use the pay phone from the pod at the county jail to once again call my Dad. I was high and so insane I did not fully comprehend how much trouble I was really in. I thought if I could just get out of there and soothe the excruciating withdrawal symptoms I was experiencing, everything would just blow over. After all, it had been two long, horrible days in there; wouldnít I ever see the light of day again? I promised my Dad if He could just bail me out I would do anything he wanted and go anywhere he choose.
So I signed a contract promising I would attend inpatient treatment and when I got home from jail we began researching facilities on the internet. I remember thinking a long-term program would never work for me because I was acting; I didnít want to get clean and sober. I just had to do anything to get out of jail and get high again. I lied, manipulated and minimized my addiction and tried to weasel my way out of coming to treatment again. I wasnít welcome at home and I had a bail-bond floating over my head, so I did what any rational person would do. I turned tail from the only people left who still cared for me.
One month and a probation violation later I was in a new jailhouse; in a different time zone. This time stay was looking to be more like two to ten years rather than two days. For ninety days I cried, pleaded, whined, and prayed; yes prayed to God to somehow allow me to get help from the place I saw on the internet last month. It couldnít be too bad there, and it sure had to beat sitting in this cell.
After thoroughly learning my lesson the courts granted me release, provided I attend and successfully completely a one-year rehabilitation clinic. After all the struggle and fighting I was finally ready for help. I was exhausted emotionally, mentally, and physically. I figured recovery would be easy since I had been sober for three months. I had no idea how much soul-searching and effort it required me to change. By the grace of God, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and loving people who have refused to give up hope on me; I have completely changed my life in to a success story today. The late night phone call to my Father turned out to be the greatest action I have ever taken for myself. Today I believe it was meant to be; I unknowingly started my recovery process in motion. It just took a long hard fall for me to hit the bottom of the barrel I had been sinking in. Today my dreams and aspirations have returned to me and instead of doubting myself and underplaying my talents; I put them to good use and feel a sense of accomplishment each day by working hard and helping others.
I have learned a secret. Which is no one has to go through life alone and struggling. My faith in the world has been renewed through the genuine generosity of a fellowship called Alcoholics Anonymous. I have been taught to live life one day at a time, to concentrate on the moment. After all ĎLife goes by pretty fast, if you donít stop and look around once in awhile you could miss it.í If you are reading this there is a good chance you may be struggling, as I have struggled. Give this program a chance, at least for a day; then you can make a decision about doing it over again the next, or not. Recovery comes with a one-hundred percent guarantee; if your life doesnít get better it can always refund your misery at any time. So give yourself a chance before itís too late, what could you possibly have to lose?